


Someone is Waiting

by mrschiltoncat



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Panic Attacks, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2018-07-22 05:56:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7422526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrschiltoncat/pseuds/mrschiltoncat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Chilton/female reader fic.  This is my first fanfic in like a decade at least so please be gentle.  Note, will be dealing with anxiety issues/depression.  The first chapter will be getting to know the OC. Of course, I receive no profit from this.  Thank you so much for reading comments are appreciated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When Marry me a Little isn't Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [drunkonsmut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkonsmut/gifts), [NikkiValencia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikkiValencia/gifts).



These past few months had brought about so much change in your life. Sitting in your temporary  
office between patients, your mind began to wander as you looked out your window at the snow  
falling. You smiled as you thought about how far you had come. From Chicago to Baltimore.

Not long ago, in Chicago, you were working at a practice with several therapists, saving up to  
branch out on your own. You were married to a surgeon, Marcus, whom you thought you  
would one day have children with, grow old with. And things were good for the first few years.

After your 5 th wedding anniversary, Marcus introduced you to Diane, the head of the practice  
you would soon join. She was an old friend of his, and became one of yours as well.

Or so you had thought.

One night when you went out to dinner with one of your girlfriends, who was in town for the weekend while your husband was away on a conference. On your way back from the ladies room at dinner, you saw Diane. You were happy to see her, wanting to introduce her to your friend. You were about to walk up to her but stopped cold as you saw Marcus. Had he come home early? Was this a surprise from the two of them? You were ever the optimist. You smiled, remembering that you mentioned to Marcus that she would be visiting, but how did he know you planned on dinner here? 

You were surprised indeed when you saw them kissing. One of the worst feelings you ever experienced in your life. You and Marcus had been a little distant from each other lately, but you never would have suspected this. You feigned illness, going home, so upset by what you saw. You felt as though he had taken out your still beating heart and ripped it apart before your eyes. It was a moment in your life you would never forget.

You weren’t sure what to do after that. Wait until he came home to confront him, or call him and scream at him. You wanted to cry and scream at the same time, angry at yourself for being so blind, and so hurt for what he had done. You decided on the latter, waiting, stewing in your anger at home. You thought you would scream when you saw him, but you burst into tears, asking why. Why had he done this?

Marcus denied it at first, but you told him you called the supposed venue for the conference, and there was no such thing going on this weekend. And that you had seen him with Diane. After finally admitting it, he promised it was a mistake. It would never happen again, he assured you. You tried as hard as you could to forgive him. You didn’t want to throw away the world you worked so hard to create. 

And you were afraid. As you thought back on it, you felt cowardly. Too afraid to be alone in your grief. Simply carrying on was easier.

There were more highs and lows in the following months. Your husband promised he would never see Diane again. You resigned from your practice, after confronting Diane as well. You wanted nothing further to do with her. You would find another practice. Your husband was more important. You put yourself second, trying to make it work.

Then, six months later, you found a hotel receipt among his dirty laundry. You felt like your heart stopped when you found it. This couldn’t be happening again, you thought to yourself, hands shaking. Marcus wouldn’t hurt me like this again. You meant more to him than that. The two of you had gone to counseling and it seemed like things were getting better. 

Again, you felt anger and sadness fighting within you. Anger took over, and you confronted him. Marcus floundered when you confronted him-he claimed it was from before. You might've believed that, but the receipt was from the last month. 

"Do you think I'm stupid?" you had screeched. 

Finally he broke down after you had screamed at each other for what felt like days, and admitted that the affair had continued.

He begged you to say stay, saying it meant nothing, that you were the one he loved. You'd wept, your heart breaking again. You had let it happen AGAIN. 

Still, you had been scared to leave him, even though you promised yourself you would if he did this again. Still, you feared the emptiness you would feel. So the cycle continued, you both resumed counseling again, but this time, you didn’t seem able to hide from the fact that you were miserable. Marcus had broken your trust and this time it was unfixable. You had given him far too many chances and you were disgusted with yourself.

You moved out a month later, filing for divorce. It hit you then, having realized you were single again for the first time in nearly a decade. You cried so hard nights you thought you might drown. Your eyes had been sore from wiping your tears. It felt like that was what you did most days. You doubted yourself constantly. Maybe you should have just stayed. Anything would have been better than that hollow, frightened feeling, that made you wish you could go to sleep and never wake again.

Needing to escape, you decided to move to Baltimore, where your cousin Lisa lived. Lisa offered her spare room until you could find a place of your own. This way, at least, you wouldn’t be totally alone. As it was, it felt like the bulk of your time had been spent with your husband before your divorce anyway, when not at work. You had had a few mutual friends but you had let him become your world. 

When things didn't work out, however, your world crumbled. Your husband had broken your heart after standing by him for seven years through good times and bad. What a waste of time.

Now you were working at the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. You were subbing for another therapist there who was on maternity leave at the hospital a few weeks ago. You still had to find something permanent but it was a start. A start over, which didn’t seem fair as you had done nothing wrong. You hadn’t knocked your marriage, your career and life off the rails.


	2. Alone is Alone Not Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the first chapter introduced you to the reader/OC, this chapter is an introduction to Chilton, to what goes on in his head. How he sees himself.

Frederick had been alone for so long he'd almost become numb to it.  It was routine, and he paid it little mind.  But sometimes, the silence was deafening.  It was at those times, he would bury himself in work, telling himself he, the great Dr. Chilton, needed no one.  Frederick barely believed it himself, but he learned to swallow down his own self-doubt.  

 

Now, after the gutting and the shooting, Frederick realized how empty he felt with only his career in his life, that he _hated_ being alone. 

 

After Gideon attacked him, no one was there at his hospital bed when he awoke.  And after being shot, no one again. 

 

Well, that wasn’t completely true.  There had been FBI agents assigned to watch him, as Frederick was handcuffed to his bed.   Nothing like waking up in pain, and breaking down into a sobbing mess in front of two government agents.  

 

It didn’t take them long to clear him, and yet it baffled him still.  How anyone could think that he, Frederick, who couldn’t even outrun Jack Crawford, was the Ripper.  A man with dietary limits and a cane, who left a path of becoming a surgeon, in part, because he hated looking at blood and guts.  It was almost comical. 

 

His parents had called, and his mother had visited a few times after each injury, after he woke up alone.  But how nice it would have been to have someone to hold after he woke up in a cold sweat, nightmares stealing his sleep.  He would wake sobbing, his heart feeling too tight in his chest, with no one there to hold him close and tell him it would be alright. 

 

Frederick would go to his bathroom to rinse his face, then cry again when he saw his reflection.  This only reaffirmed his fears, he would _most certainly_ end up alone, he told himself.  _What woman wants a man who looks like a freak and has so many emotional and physical issues_.  _No woman Frederick_ , his inner voice would taunt him.  All Frederick saw was a man who was so...damaged. 

 

After this last attack, Frederick ached for someone by his side, or at least, for fuck’s sake, a friend to talk to. 

 

Frederick had tried to make friends with his coworkers at the BHSCI, even before the accidents, but he got the distinct sense that they found him ridiculous.  That, and of course he overheard some of their conversations. After that he acted much colder around them, not wanting anyone to know he could be hurt by mere words.  He pretended he was confident and above them all, only distancing himself further from them.

 

Sure, listening in to patients and staff may not have been the most ethical thing, but it was a compulsion.  Frederick had never been that great with people, as strange as it was for a psychiatrist.  Then again, he mostly dealt with the medication, not intensive therapy. 

 

Frederick had never quite fit in, though he had tried, throughout his whole life.  He wanted so badly to be liked, to be respected, though he would never say it aloud.  He thought he had a friend in Hannibal, only to find the man had set him up.  Jack and Alana he thought respected him at the very least, but they did nothing to help him when he was in danger.  Will, well, he couldn’t really blame for not being on his side.  To be fair, Frederick did testify against him. 

 

Frederick had made a mistake with Gideon, this was true, but he wanted to do well in his career, and thought the man was the ripper.  After all, his career was all he had. 

 

Now, Frederick could no longer shut out the sound of silence.  He was nervous to go back to work, but also knew he would get lost in his loneliness if he stayed home.  Frederick imagined that people would now mock his slower speech.  Every fiber of his being prayed that he could stop caring what others said or thought. 

 

Perhaps _he_ needed to go to therapy.  The thought caused another wave of sadness to pass through him.  He had no one to talk to without paying them.  

 

Frederick would see happy couples holding hands while he did little errands before returning to work and found himself overwrought with sadness, the emptiness more pronounced.  He thought bitterly that he would _never_ have that sense of belonging.  Of someone who looked at him with adoration, who truly loved him.  

 

The emotional ache was worse than what he had felt at the hands of Gideon or Lass, and he now understood his patients more so than he ever had. 

 

And so, to escape from the self-loathing in his own head, Frederick was finally returning to work after the shooting.  _One hospital to another_ , he thought bitterly to himself.  For months he had been in recovery, working with speech therapists to get used to part of his jaw being gone.   _Dios Mio, how many pieces was Humpty missing now?  
_

 

Frederick sighed as he pulled up to the hospital, having practiced “putting his face on” for the last week, in preparation for this day.  At least before the last attack, he was able to keep up appearances, pretend to be confident.  Frederick wasn’t sure he could do that anymore.  He just wanted to hide, away from people. 

 

He inhaled deeply before entering the building, head down as he made his way to his office, clutching his cane like a life line as he walked.  

 

“Oh, Dr. Chilton, welcome back,” his secretary greeted.  The elderly woman was somewhat surprised Chilton was there.  He had also told her he was going to return last week, and the week before that, but he had panicked and called to say he needed more time.  She was expecting him to do the same today. 

 

“Hello Gloria,” he said, nodding but not looking up.  “I’ll be in my office.”

 

He passed her as quickly as he could to get away, as he felt anxiety creep in like a silent killer.  It was real now, he was here, and the idea made him want to run, scream, or weep.  He wasn’t sure which.  But he had to get somewhere AWAY. 

 

“Sure!  Oh Dr. Chilton?” She called out to his back, as he paused with his hand on the doorknob. “Dr. Mackey is asking that you supervise the fill in doctor, she’s going to be here next week for Tania’s maternity leave?”

 

Frederick sighed, gritting his teeth. 

 

“Can’t…can Dr. Mackey not do it herself?”

 

He had just returned and his fellow doctors were leaving him orders?  He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself to stave off an anxiety attack.  

 

“Oh, well, she was supposed to, but she thought it would be better now that you were coming back, since you are the most experienced,” she said encouragingly, knowing her boss could be difficult, and a stroke to the ego couldn’t hurt. 

 

Truthfully, Dr. Mackey had said now that Frederick was back she was going to finally go on vacation or would quit.  Dr. Mackey was difficult herself, more than that, she was downright mean.  She was, however, an asset to the hospital and Gloria knew Dr. Chilton would want to keep her.   

 

Frederick sighed. 

 

“Fine.  Just…get me her CV, please, I’ll go over it before she starts next week," Frederick mumbled, opening his door.  

 

“Already on your desk!”  Gloria called out cheerily.  

 

Frederick closed the door behind him, sighing as he locked it and leaned back, closing his eyes.  He wasn’t sure he could deal with her or any of the rest of his fellow staff, as he sat down at his desk, holding his cane tight and taking several deep breaths to ground himself.  

 

It was going to be a long week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kind comments, and thank you again to my friend seekret fanfic for editing for me! And drunkonsmut for reading as well! 
> 
> Sorry the update was so slow, and the next one will probably be a bit also. But they will meet the next chapter!
> 
> Please review and let me know what you think-even if its one word it makes my day!!


	3. Hurry, Wait for Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frederick and the reader meet for the first time, as she starts her job at the hospital. Mentions of anxiety, and panic attacks. And adorable dorky Frederick and reader.

Today was finally the day.  Your first day of work at the BSHCI.  

You had barely slept the night before.  You were anxious to start your new job, albeit a temporary one.  You had gotten a new outfit, had set it out the night before, and had awoken several times before your alarm.  What if everyone was terribly mean?  What if you couldn’t handle the patients?  You had never worked with criminals before, perhaps this was a mistake.

 _It’s only for now_ , you reminded yourself when you felt the anxiety creep in. 

_Just get through tomorrow._

That was your mantra every time you double checked your alarm.  You had researched and were as prepared as you could be. 

Still, you were a bit terrified after hearing about Dr. Frederick Chilton’s ordeal.  You didn’t read much, knowing that delving further would only increase your anxiety, but apparently the poor man had been attacked by a patient.  Said patient was now dead, so you didn’t have to worry about them still being a threat.  And then, Chilton had been shot after an FBI investigation had gone wrong.

Besides, you tried to reason with yourself, the news seemed to imply Dr. Chilton was on leave.  And you imagined the administrator certainly wouldn’t be training you **himself**.  No, most managers and the like you found did little.  They mostly watched over people, not doing actual work.  Thankfully, you missed the part about the nurse being killed, or you certainly would have talked yourself out of the position. 

On your way to the office you felt nauseous, what if you had anxiety attack at work?  What if you were just a _fucking failure_?  You felt tears prick at your eyes as you turned on the radio, something to distract you until you arrived.  You left Marcus, and that wasn’t easy.  In fact, you felt it to be the hardest thing you had ever done, and yet you had persevered.  This was a job, you mentally chastised yourself.  _Breathe_. 

Once you arrived, you sat and waited a bit while bouncing your leg in the waiting area.  A receptionist handed you some paperwork to complete.  That only took you a few minutes, and then you sat back down after filling it out.  You sat there watching the clock, fidgeting with a wrinkle in your skirt, for a bit longer.  Waiting was the hardest part was true indeed.  You were worrying your bottom lip, looking to the clock when a voice made you snap to attention. 

“Hi, I’m Gloria, you must be the new Doctor?” 

A cheery older woman walked up to you, all smiles, extending her hand.  You nodded, taking her hand after standing to meet her. 

“Well, welcome, and we’re so glad you have you!”  She said. 

“Oh thank you, happy to be here,” you forced a smile onto your face, though your hands shook nearly imperceptibly. 

“Dr. Chilton is waiting for you, if you will follow me,” she said as she walked onward, turning back a moment after realizing you had stopped.  Gloria was a pleasant woman, but she was extremely busy, and moved a mile a minute. 

“Sorry, I don’t mean to rush you, but he could really use the assistance,” she said, not realizing the doctor’s name was what had given you pause.

“It’s fine, I just didn’t expect your administrator to be training me,” you explained with a nervous laugh, forcing yourself to follow her.  You felt hot in your suit jacket, and fiddled with your necklace. 

“Oh well, he doesn’t usually, but you’re in luck.  He knows the place inside and out, and the patients of course.   I’ve been his assistant for a year now, he just got back from…” she stopped, unsure if you had heard about what had happened.  Gloria didn’t want to frighten you. 

“Oh, I read about it.  Horrible,” you said, following her to his office door.

“Yes, it was,” she nodded in agreement.  When you reached the door, she stopped with you. 

“He’s a good doctor,” she said, smiling at you.  “But, he’s a little…stressed,” she said, searching your eyes for understanding.  “So, please don’t let it bother you if he’s short with you or anything,” she said. 

“Oh-okay,” you said.  And what else could you say?  After what the man had been through, it was certainly to be expected.  Still, you hoped he wasn’t a total jerk.  You weren’t sure you could handle that right now. 

“Anyway, I have to get back to my desk, but, just head in, I told him you were here earlier and reminded him before I brought you back.  Let me know if you need anything, thanks again!”  She said cheerily, moving away from you quickly to head back to her desk near Dr. Chilton’s office, where a staff member was waiting to speak to her.  Unbeknownst to you, Gloria was a bit wary of Chilton’s reaction to you.  He could take a bit of time warming up to new people. 

“Thanks,” you mumbled.  You steeled yourself, taking a deep breath in and out before you knocked softly. 

_Please be nice.  Please be nice._

Frederick had been anxious since Gloria had said you’d arrived.  He sighed when he heard your knock, not ready to deal with someone he had to explain things to.   His body still ached, and his own emotional trauma was still a wound that he had trouble fully containing.   He had had panic attacks since he returned to work, although luckily none in front of the staff as of yet.  He felt his chest tighten.  What if it happened in front of you?  He was supposed to be training you, how humiliating would that be, he thought bitterly to himself. 

_Breathe Frederick._

“Come in,” he said curtly, wincing slightly as his jaw was bothering him.  He was getting better with his speech therapy, but stress seemed to make the simple things a bit harder again.  He got out of his chair, and moved to the front of his desk.  Though Frederick could be brash at times, he was nothing if not a gentleman.  He wouldn’t simply sit while you entered the room.

You steeled yourself, opening the door slowly as you made your way into his office. 

“Good morning, Dr. Chilton,” you said, taking in the rather well dressed man in front of you.  He was rather handsome, which made you nervous.  Great, just what you needed, to have a crush on your boss.  _Breathe_ , you reminded yourself, walking to the doctor and extending your hand.

Frederick had read about you, but he wasn’t sure what he had been expecting when you walked in the door.  It wasn’t this.  He had found your photo online, and yes, you were lovely, but the photo did you no justice.  It wasn’t just that you were pretty, there was something in your dazzling eyes that he found familiar.  Though you smiled politely at him, he could sense that pain he felt reflected in his eyes. 

“Doctor?”  You asked, your hand wavering as he stared at you. 

“I-I’m sorry,” he said, shaking his head to clear his mind.  He took your hand in his and shook it.  It was small, soft, and fit into his own as if it were meant to be there.  He blushed slightly, coughing to mask his embarrassment. 

“It’s very nice to meet you.  Won’t you have a seat?” he said, gesturing to a chair in front of his desk.  Normally, he would return to the refuge behind his desk, his way of distancing himself.  But he found himself sitting down in the chair next to yours. 

“I haven’t trained anyone in a while, so you will have to forgive me.  Now, what brings you to Baltimore?”

You fidgeted in your seat, not sure how to answer the question best. 

“I…um, just needed a change of scenery I suppose,” you said, forcing a smile. 

Frederick could sense your hesitation, feeling bad for possibly upsetting you. 

“Of course.  Well, we’re very glad to have you here,” he said, smiling, hoping to make you feel more comfortable.  Though he had just met you, he felt a pang in his heart seeing sadness in your eyes.  “Your résumé is quite impressive, I must say.”

“Thank you,” you said, smiling back at him. 

“Well, I think we should start with going over patient files, just so you know a little about them before I take you around,” he said.  And truth be told, he really wasn’t up to walking around.  He found himself quicker to tire after his last ordeal. 

He tried to bite back a wince as he made his way back to his desk, sitting behind his desk. 

You noticed the grimace he tried to mask however. 

“Are you alright Dr. Chilton?”  You asked in a small voice, hoping you weren’t going to make him feel awkward for asking.  The men you had dealt with in your life didn’t always take kindly to comments like yours.    

Rarely did people ask him how he was feeling.  And his first reaction was to snap back, to show strength and not what he felt was weakness.  But as he sat, he looked at you and his face softened.  Your eyes only held kindness and concern. 

“I’m fine, thank you,” he said.  Perhaps he had been looking at this all wrong.  He was often so lonely at the hospital.  A friendly face might be just what he needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long to add to this-hope you have been able to catch the mini stories I have done in the meanwhile! And this is a brief chapter, but more to come. Thanks to vintagemichelle91 for beta reading! Hope you enjoy this, and comments make my day. Thanks so much for reading!!


	4. Somebody Need Me Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter the reader has an anxiety attack and she and Chilton bond. A huge thank you to NikkiValencia, my friend who also took the time to edit quite a bit and added some flair to the descriptions. And thanks to vintagemichelle91, my friend for your support!

The rest of the day went smoothly, and much quicker than you expected it to pass.  You found yourself a little disappointed when the day was over, if you were honest with yourself. Working with Frederick was nice.  There was an instant rapport between the two of you.

Frederick too was pleasantly surprised when he realized he enjoyed teaching you.  Having someone to chat with in between the training was nice too. He discovered he looked forward to seeing you at the office as the days went on. It made going to work much more bearable, having a kind face waiting for him. Of course, Gloria was nice enough, but there was something different about you.  He wanted to get to know you better, hoping he might have acquired a friend in you.  But he wasn’t sure how to best go about it.

A few weeks into the job, you had a rough night.  You got a call from Marcus, wanting to chat.  You hadn’t thought to block his number, and chastised yourself for not doing so. You answered without looking at the caller ID, having rushed to get the phone after you had taken a shower.  Part of you was hoping it was Chilton on the other end of the line, though you weren’t really sure why.

Your heart sunk and bile rose in your throat when you heard your ex’s voice on the other end of the line.  That same _condescending_ tone.  Marcus spoke to you as if he was entitled to still call and chat, as if there remained some link between you two.

His audacity angered you, that he dared to think you _owed_ him something.  You wasted enough time on this man, and him calling to see how you were was maddening. You weren’t sure why he was bothering you, but it was as if he knew somehow that you were starting to be happy again.  And he couldn’t let you have that. He had to try and ruin it, like he did with everything else.

After listening to him blabber a few minutes, your heart beating so fast you thought you might faint, you asked him to please leave you alone, hanging up the phone.  You broke into sobs, shaking. Eventually you calmed down, but you only slept a few hours.  Marcus still wouldn’t leave you, even invading your dreams.

You considered taking off work the next day, but that seemed like Marcus would be winning.  You had spent enough time and energy fitting your life to his whims. **No more.**

And though you didn’t want to admit it to yourself, you wanted to see Dr. Chilton.  Working with him always seemed to put you in a better mood.

Still, it appeared you couldn’t stave off the crying the next day at work.  A patient snapped at you, and you bit your lip, trying not to cry. _Not here_ , you begged of yourself. But the emotional dam you had built up wasn’t strong enough to hold back your sorrows.  You excused yourself, heading quickly to your office, slamming the door shut behind you.  Placing your hand over your mouth to muffle a sob, you sat behind your desk and wept.  You clenched and unclenched your fists, willing this attack to pass.

Chilton had watched you run past him, in your state you hadn’t spotted him.  He felt an ache in his chest that pained him as much as his own injuries. Seeing your lovely face so sad was troublesome, and he had the sudden urge to do anything he could to fix whatever had happened.  Anger bubbled within him too.  If someone had been cruel to you, that simply would not stand.

Frederick walked to your office door, now closed. He hesitated, fiddling with his cane. He didn’t want to make you feel worse by bothering you. Still, he couldn’t stomach leaving you in your state. He knew how it felt, breaking down all alone. Wishing with his whole heart someone was there to hold him until it passed and tell him it would be alright.

Frederick knocked gently at the door, hoping he made the right choice. That you wouldn’t be distressed further by his presence.

You let out a tiny gasp when you heard it, pulling your hands from your face.   ** _Shit._**   Why did someone need you now.  You wiped at your eyes, wincing at your hands rubbing at the tears, the sensitive skin surrounding them already irritated.

“Come-come in,” you stuttered, setting your jaw and trying to stay calm. _You can do this_.

Frederick slowly entered, closing the door behind him.  You looked so sad, you had clearly been crying.  It made Frederick want to cry too.  No one so sweet should look so despondent.

You looked up to see Chilton, green eyes holding nothing but concern for you.

“Did…did you need something Dr. Chilton?” You asked, your voice small and shaky. You squared your shoulders, trying not to look him directly in the eyes. You pinched the skin of one of your hands under the desk, the pain at times distracting enough to hold off tears.

You gave him the most pitiful smile Frederick felt he had ever seen. He could tell you were using every ounce of your energy to try and stay calm. He had to stop himself from running to you and wrapping you tightly in his arms. The thought stunned him momentarily, and he paused before walking over to your desk and shaking his head gently.

“I just…I wanted to see if you were alright?” He asked, his voice sincere and gentle.

His tone broke what little control you possessed and you began to cry in earnest.  You and Chilton had chatted before, and you had considered him a nice coworker, friend even, but you never intended to let him see this side of you.

Embarrassed, you apologized profusely in between tears, one hand wiping once more at your face.   _Can’t I just disappear_ , you thought. And things seemed to be going so well for you.

You realized after a moment that Chilton was kneeling next to you.  Drowning in your sorrows, you hadn’t noticed him moving.  If you had, you would have seen the small wince, a signal of the pain brought on by this change in position.  He had ignored it, seeing you upset hurt him more than the slight physical pain.

You shook as you continued to cry, biting your lip to distract yourself as you looked over at him, the shock of his actions slowing your tears a bit.

He gently and tentatively offered his hand. “I have panic attacks,” he confessed quietly, looking to the floor. You responded by taking his hand, and he squeezed your hand gently in return, a lopsided smile formed on his face. “I…I hope it's okay,” he whispered, eyes going to your joined hands, a slight blush forming in his cheeks.

Chilton fought for the right words, usually not at a loss. He wanted to explain how sometimes he ached for just a hand to hold, basic human contact when he panicked. He didn’t have to explain though, you understood and simply whispered “Thank you.” He sat with you through your attack, just holding your hand. It helped more than you could say.

You still felt a bit awkward when it passed, and apologized again.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Frederick said firmly, as he used his hold on your hand to get up without aide of his cane, straining a bit with the effort. You noticed, tightening your hold on his hand to help support him. He stood smiling at you, not letting go of your hand. You liked the feeling, and your thumb gently caressed the back of his hand.

“Would you like to go get some lunch? Take a little break?” He asked.

“Alright, thank you, Dr. Chilton,” you said, standing and giving his hand a gentle squeeze before letting it go to grab him his cane, which rested against the wall.

Frederick felt his throat tighten with emotion as you passed it over to him, smiling more fully now.  You were so kind, rarely was anyone considerate of him.  At least not in a way that didn’t make him feel defensive and weak.

“I’m just going to run to the ladies room, perhaps I can meet you out front Doctor?” You said, wanting to rinse your face.

Your words brought Frederick out of his thoughts, and he nodded. “Certainly.  And this isn’t a work lunch. Call me Frederick,” he said, opening the door for you, ever the gentleman.

“Okay, Frederick,” you said, and he felt his heart skip a beat seeing you more at ease and happier.  Anything was worth it to see the pain fade from your face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please continue to review, it motivates me to keep writing! Thanks!


	5. Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader and Frederick enjoy lunch getting to know one another. Sorry this is a shorter chapter! Thanks ghostofachancewithyou for reading in advance and for your encouragement. Reviews are excellent!! Thanks for reading.

A short while later you both arrived at the restaurant, a little café not far from the hospital.  You were happy to be with Frederick, but nervous at the same time. People would often be patient with you at first, then slip away with time.  You felt as though you were a placeholder for most, someone to spend time with until someone better came along.  Marcus being unfaithful didn't help of course.   You had thought the two of you would be together forever.  

 

“Are you alright?” Frederick asked gently as the two of you sat down, and you startled slightly, forcing a smile, although the pain in your eyes couldn’t be hidden. 

 

“I ...just a little tired, thank you,” you replied, having meant to say yes.  You didn't want to be so open with another, let them see your pain and what you felt was weakness.  But Frederick seemed different, safe somehow.  And it felt wrong to lie to him.

 

“Of course,” he said gently, reaching for your hand and giving it a little squeeze.  You smiled more fully now.  Looking into his emerald eyes, you found yourself wishing you had met Frederick before Marcus.  Another time, before you were hurt.  You dismissed the thought from your mind, romance and more possible pain was a foolish thought.  You didn't want to feel that crushing heartbreak ever again.  Surviving divorce nearly killed you, the thought of trying again was enough to keep you up at night.  

 

You both ordered, and after your initial nerves you started to relax, and chatted about other things.  Frederick told you how he got his start in psychiatry.  How he had trained to be a surgeon, which didn't work out much to his father’s chagrin.  

 

“But what is strange is...I do not  think I ever  _ wanted  _ to be a surgeon.” 

 

“You wanted to please him,” you replied, blushing when you realized what you said.

“I'm sorry that was an overstep, I -”

 

“No, you are right,” he said, sighing.  His green orbs seemed lost in the past as he spoke.  “He always liked my brother Daniel more, he became a surgeon and made our father proud.  I was to be next, but I was always too ...soft for him,” he whispered.  “Too easily sickened by the sight of blood, my hands would shake even when holding a scalpel for practice,” he said.

 

This time you took his hand, squeezing as you smiled at him.  “It's alright Frederick, our parents don't always know what's best.  And I've read your studies, you were meant for this field,” you said, and you meant it.  You had read some of his articles in scientific journals and were impressed.

 

“Thank you,” he stuttered, and oh how his cheeks flushed.  

 

_ Oh my _ , you thought.  He certainly looked more handsome like that.  

 

“And you are so brave after all you've been through, to not give up,” you said, and you let out a little gasp when you realized what you had said.

 

“Oh I'm so sorry,” you were horrified, God now for sure he would hate you. 

 

“It is ...it is alright, I am not sure I would call it that….and I suppose I should not be surprised, I am sure you have read about my...attacks,” he swallowed, embarrassment flashing in his eyes. 

 

"Oh I ...I didn't mean to upset you Frederick," you said softly.  

 

His face softened, and he surprised you by flipping his hand so your fingers were intertwined. 

 

"It is quite alright ...thank you," he whispered, and gave you a small smile.  

 

The food arrived shortly thereafter, and you took your hand from his to eat.   You were reluctant to do so, loving the feeling of his hand in yours.  You thought you saw a flash of disappointment in his eyes, but figured you must have been imagining things.

 

"So how did you get into the field?" Frederick asked as you both ate.

 

"Well, I had always wanted to help people.  And I...I've struggled with anxiety a bit, as you can probably tell," you chuckled softly to try and brush off the topic.

 

"That is perfectly normal.  We all have our own...issues," he said, patting your free hand gently.  

 

"And well one of my close friends in college struggled with depression, and I hated not being able to do more to help her.  So that helped push me around in that direction.  I've always been interested in medicine but...I can't stomach broken bones," you smiled.  

 

"It's always bothered me how our society doesn't prioritize mental illness, it's just as important as physical health, I think," you said.  

 

“Indeed, I agree,” he said, smiling at you.  “The two can affect each other of course, as well, as you know.”

 

You nodded.  Talking to Frederick was such a breath of fresh air, he really seemed to want to hear what you had to say.  So different from Marcus, who never seemed to take your opinion all that seriously.

 

The two of you spent the rest of your meal discussing psychology, opinions on the latest journals and the like.  You started to relax further, enjoying just talking and hearing his opinions.  Frederick was, as you had already deduced from reading his articles, quite brilliant.  

 

It seemed like only minutes passed when the waiter came with the bill, which Frederick insisted on paying, despite your protests.  You looked at your watch as he paid, realizing you had been at lunch for two hours.  Speaking to Frederick had made time fly.   You felt like you could have spent the rest of the afternoon chatting with him and barely have noticed until perhaps the sun went down.

 

Since the café wasn't far from the hospital, you two had walked.  It had gotten a bit chillier though, and you shivered a bit as you both started the walk back towards work.  

 

Frederick noticed, he seemed to be so in tune with you and your needs.  

 

“Are you cold?” He asked, not waiting for an answer as he began to remove his coat as you walked side by side. 

 

“Oh, it’s okay,” you said, “It's not far.”

 

“Nonsense, you look freezing, here,” he stopped, holding the coat open for you.  

“I insist,” he said.

 

You nodded, blushing a bit as you turned around for him to help you with his coat.  You shivered again as he put it on you, only this time it wasn't from the cold.  His closeness, and the feel of his hands on your arms, helping you into his jacket.  A jacket that smelled of his cologne.

 

“Thank you Frederick,” you said softly, blushing as you buttoned the front.  

 

“You are most welcome,” he swallowed thickly as he took you in.  Wearing his jacket had an effect on him he hadn't expected.  It looked right, you wearing his jacket, and for whatever reason, he found himself more attracted to you.  Thinking of how you would look wearing one of his shirts and nothing else.

 

“Well then, let us get you back where it is warmer,” he laughed, blushing with his lustful thoughts.

 

Your face felt hot as you nodded, following by his side again.

 

You walked in silence for a few minutes, the awkwardness fading quickly.  

 

“So, will you be staying in Baltimore, after this job? If I can ask,” he said nervously, hoping his question wasn't too personal.  He found he had made a new friend in you, and was anxious to know if you were only passing through.  Perhaps soon you would be gone.  He barely knew you and the thought made him incredibly sad.

 

“Well, yes, I hope to.  I’m staying with my cousin for now, but I need to start looking around for a permanent place,” you smiled.  He seemed to be hopeful, did you imagine it?  But seeing his eyes light up when you replied was certainly encouraging.  

 

“That is wonderful.  I could...if you want, go with you?  I mean, if your cousin is busy, just since I have lived here for so long,” he stuttered, worried he had overstepped, or seemed too eager.  

 

You took his hand, giving it a small squeeze.  “I would love that Frederick,” you replied, feeling your heart skip a beat at the little smile that twitched at his lips.  

 

Baltimore was clearly the right choice.  


	6. Where ya goin?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fred has a panic attack, and reader helps him this time. I also tried to really describe what it's like for a person who has been hurt in a bad relationship and has anxiety, how a good thing can seem scary. Sorry this chapter took forever-really struggled with this one, so be kind! A big thank you to ghostofachancewithyou and writing-journey-x for their feedback and support!

After your lunch with Frederick that day, the two of you grew closer.  You were nervous about it at first, was it really wise to be friendly with your supervisor? Then again, you had reminded yourself, he was only your temporary supervisor.  It couldn't hurt to have a new friend.

 

Although, the thought of not working with him anymore made you a little sad.  You tried not to think of that, as the two of you spent more lunches together, even getting together outside of work.  You found it so easy being with Frederick.  He really listened to what you had to say, and seemed genuinely interested.  And he was quite sweet and had a wry sense of humor you enjoyed.  You felt you could really be yourself around him.

 

The weeks went by quickly, as you eased into your new routine.  And, having a friend at work didn’t hurt.  Frederick even helped you in finding a new place, which you would be moving into next month, when your temporary assignment ended.  You were still looking for a permanent job, but you had had several interviews, and things were really looking up.    

 

Today the two of you were going to the movies after work, and you were excited.  More excited than you probably should have been, at the thought of sitting so close to him in a darkened theater.  You ignored this feeling, reminding yourself he was your friend. Nothing more.  

 

Although you certainly wouldn't admit it to yourself, you were developing feelings for him.  Feelings that were getting harder and harder to push down and avoid, no matter how hard you tried.  You had become skilled in avoiding difficult feelings with Marcus, but whether you knew it on a conscious level or not there was no hiding from them forever.  And your assignment was ending in two weeks, though you tried to keep it from your mind.  

 

You weren't sure how he felt, although he always smiled at you in a way that he did with no one else.  A smile that made you feel warm and your face flush.  He was only being kind, you told yourself.

 

In truth, Frederick too felt himself falling for you, harder and faster than he had fallen for anyone else before.  And that scared him.  He didn't want to lose such a wonderful friend, and he was also afraid he wasn't good enough for you.  

 

That he would end up hurting you, even though he would never mean to.  The thought of your lovely face filled with sorrow caused his chest to ache. And surely, you wouldn't want to be in a relationship, you were healing.  It was unfair of him to even think of it, he had told himself.  Still, he found it hard to deny that your smile made him melt, and your kindness made him feel a contentment he wasn't sure he had ever felt. 

 

Today unfortunately had turned out to be a difficult day workwise.  One of Frederick’s patients gave him an especially hard time, making a crack about his face.  This normally was something he could brush off, since it had been some time now.  

 

But he was going to be spending time with you, out and about.  Although the two of you had gone to dinner out a few times, mostly you spent time at one of your homes.  

 

He started to worry what people must think of him, a disfigured man with such a beautiful woman.  You were just friends, but still, he wondered if he made you embarrassed.  He told himself this wasn't true, but his anxiety got the better of him. You had been assisting another doctor with a patient, and were to meet him very soon back at his office.  

 

You knocked at his door, excited to get going.  “Frederick?” You said brightly, waiting for his answer.  Nothing came, and you frowned as you knocked again.  No answer.  “Frederick?” You called again.  His assistant had left for the day, and you were starting to worry something was wrong.  

 

“Are you alright?” You asked, knocking once more before slowly opening the door.

 

He didn’t answer, and you frowned as you walked slowly into his office, closing the door quietly behind you.  Perhaps he wasn’t in here you thought, but as you got closer you could see him standing by the window, head down, leaning heavily on his cane.  

 

It was dark out, and there was little light in his office.  Mainly from the moon outside and his desk lamp.  

 

“Frederick,” you said again softly, as you approached him.  He didn’t reply, and you realized as you got closer he was shaking.  His eyes were shut tight and he jumped slightly as you gently put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“What’s wrong Frederick?” You asked gently, as his eyes had flown open at your touch.  You noticed a tear slip from his good eye, and you couldn’t stop yourself from gently wiping it away with your thumb.  He let out a little whine, cheek angling into your palm.  

 

You felt your breath catch, and you froze.  Not sure what to do. So you did what he always did for you.  “I’m here Frederick,” you whispered, moving closer to him.  

 

“I...I… “ he stuttered, surprising you both by pulling you close in an embrace, cane clattering to the ground.  

 

You didn’t move for a moment, surprised at just how much he had let his walls down with you.  Finally you wrapped your arms right around him, rubbing his back.  

 

“You don’t need to say anything.  I’m here.  Whatever it is..I’m here.” You said, feeling him shake against your frame.  You heard a sob crack free from his throat and you bit your lip to keep from crying yourself.  It ached, his pain becoming your own.  You reached a hand up without thinking, running your hand through the curls at the bottom of his hair.

 

You two stayed like this for some time, and slowly you felt his heartbeat normalize.  He slowly pulled back from you, still in your arms, but so he could see your face.  He looked so beautiful, there was so much emotion in his green eye, which spoke volumes without a sound.  He swallowed thickly, and it seemed as if there were only you two in the world.  Nothing else mattered.

 

You wanted so badly to close the distance between the two of you and kiss him.  But you still had a few weeks left at the hospital.  And he really was your only friend in the area, not counting your cousin.  If things didn’t work out, you would have no one to talk to.  And, what if your instincts were wrong?  What if he turned out to be like Marcus.  You didn’t think you could handle another heartbreak.  

 

You jumped, the moment broken by a vibration in your pocket.  You laughed, smiling up at Frederick.  “That would be the reminder for our date...I mean the movie…” You stumbled over your words, pulling out your phone as you dismissed the reminder.  You could feel your cheeks reddening, and avoided his gaze.  

 

“Ah, right,” Frederick whispered.  He had wanted so badly to kiss you, but perhaps he had imagined that moment between you two.  There was no way a woman as smart and lovely as you would be attracted to someone that looked like he did, he reminded himself.  Whatever would you see in him.

 

“If you’re still up for it, of course?”  You said, smiling up at Chilton.  “If you don’t feel well, and just want to go get some rest, I understand,” you said, trying to hide the disappointment from your voice at this option.  

 

“No, I would very much like to.  Thank you,” he said softly, squeezing your arm.  “For...ah..”

 

“You’re most welcome,” you said, smiling as you gestured for the door.  “Shall we?”  

 

Most of the film was spent with each of you trying to sneak glances at the other.  Neither of you brave enough to discuss that brief moment in his office.  

 

A short while later Frederick was pulling up to your cousin’s home.  He went for the car door, and you knew he was going to go over to yours and walk you to the front door.  Ever the gentleman. 

 

“Frederick, wait,” you asked, although it came out as a bit of a squeak.  

 

He stopped, head turning immediately to you as he closed the door and sat back in his seat.  

 

“What is it?”  He asked, concern filling his expressive eyes.  

 

“Do you…” you worried your bottom lip, unsure of whether or not you should bring up the subject.  But you wanted to make sure he was okay, after how upset he was before.  You had been so distracted by his closeless, wanting so badly to comfort him with more than just an embrace.  

 

“Do you...want to talk?  About why you were upset?  I’d invite you in, but she’s probably asleep already, I don’t want to wake her, sorry,” you said.  

 

“It is...not important, really,” he said, shifting in his seat, the street lights outside illuminating his reddened cheeks.  

 

“Frederick...if you don’t want to talk about it,” you began, putting a hand on his arm tentatively.  “That’s okay,” you lowered your head to meet his eyes, as he was now avoiding your gaze.  “But...if it upset you...whatever it was...it matters.  How you feel….matters,” you whispered, hand stroking the back of his, that was resting on the armrest between you two.  

 

He scoffed, still not meeting your eye.   

 

“It matters, Frederick.  It matters to me,” you added, voice barely above a whisper.  

 

He met your eyes at that, swallowing thickly.  He grasped your hand in his, and you entwined his fingers with yours as he had done before.  

 

“It….one of the patients...was making some...crude remarks, about my scar,” he began, sighing, as his thumb rubbed circles on the back of your hand.  

 

“Oh Frederick…I’m sorry,” you replied, placing your free hand over your joined ones.  

 

“It is ….fine, I should be used to it by now,” he laughed nervously, trying to act as though it had hurt him little.  

 

“No one deserves to be treated that way.  Besides, I don’t see what there is to mock, really.  You’re quite handsome Frederick,” you said, eyes widening when you realized what you had just told him.  

 

“I...you think...you think I am handsome?”  Frederick rasped, his mouth opening and closing, at a loss for what to say.  Surely he was imagining this.  

 

“Well...yes,” you said, and you looked at him, really looked, and he did look especially gorgeous like this.  Shy, a little unsure, and the moonlight was illuminating his features.  His emerald eyes, his soft lips, his hair that surely would be soft to the touch.  

 

“Thank...thank you,” he stuttered, giving you that adorable half smile he sometimes gifted you with.  The one that made your heart clench with emotion.  

 

“You are….you are quite beautiful….” he whispered, free hand rising shakily to your cheek, ghosting over the soft skin there.  

 

Your cheek cuddled to his hand, and you felt your will power slipping.  Without thinking, it was as if your lips were drawn to his. You ever so slowly brushed your lips against his, and he responded immediately.  Drawing you close, your lips moved gently against each other, tenderly.  You had never been kissed like this before.  It was as if he had said those three little words without uttering a sound, as his hand cradled your cheek in his palm.

 

Your hands reached out to hold tight to his lapels, shivering with want and emotion.  It was as though you were under a spell, and your brain halted any over analyzing of the matter.  And his lips.  Frederick’s lips were so soft, just the feel of them against yours send a tingle all the way down to your toes.  You felt yourself actually swoon a bit into him, his strong arms holding you up and close to him.  

 

The kiss ended when you both felt lightheaded, and you leaned back against your seat to catch your breath.  Your eyes widened as you realized what had just happened.  You had kissed him...and it felt amazing.  But you could barely register as you began to panic.  It had felt wonderful with your ex at first too. You had to get away, suddenly the inside of the car felt small, and you needed air.  You couldn’t risk getting hurt again.  Or, worse still, hurting him.  He was so kind and had been through so much.  Those eyes...it broke your heart to see pain in them.  

 

“I...um, Freddy-Fred-Frederick, “ you stuttered as Frederick smiled shyly at you, clearly proud of the tongue tied state his kiss had left you in.  

 

“That was nice..” Frederick whispered, reaching out to squeeze your hand.  

 

“It...yes,” you said, smiling.  You gently patted his hand with your free one.   It was true, you had enjoyed it, but you were still afraid.   

 

“I ...really should get inside...it...it’s late,” you laughed nervously.  

 

“Oh-of course,” he said, smiling, though the joy in his brilliant green eyes seemed to fade a little.  He was nervous too, it had been ages since he had felt this way.  He was still terrified of screwing it up somehow.  

  
  


“I...I can walk you to the door?”  He asked, hesitant as he could tell you seemed a bit unsure, and he knew how anxiety could be.  Always popping up when you least wanted or needed it to.  

 

“Oh...um...that’s so sweet Frederick, but it’s okay, it’s cold,” you said, fearing if you didn’t go right away you would do the wrong thing, or say the wrong thing.  Perhaps it was best to end here, with a lovely kiss and him wanting more.  You were just so damn nervous….and confused.  A real thing, which seemed like it could be with Frederick, was exhilarating and terrifying simultaneously.   

 

He hesitated, wanting to protest, but perhaps the kiss hadn’t been as wonderful for you.  It had been ages since he had been in the dating pool, so he wasn’t sure.  

 

As he worried, you had gotten out of the car far too fast for him to follow.  

 

“Good night Frederick!”  You whispered, waving and hurrying in the door.  Just like that, you were gone.  

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to seekret-fanfic for the edits, drunkonsmut and xfleuriste for the ideas and encouragement. Thank you to all the Chilton fluffy fanfic writers out there for inspiring me.


End file.
